MLiS – Chapter 9.1

This Is Who I Am

Luo Lan went straight to her bed to sleep. Unfortunately, even in her dream, she still felt anxious.

Qian Xu must deem her as a big liar. What should she do now?

She had slept for three hours and couldn’t sleep any longer. So, she simply went to the kitchen and made breakfast.

Wash it clean, boil it down…

The fragrance of food filled the air. Luo Lan remembered the first meal she cooked for Qian Xu many years ago. She also remembered the first meal Qian Xu cooked for her when he took her to Adventurer’s Paradise.

Without realizing it, many years have passed. They have accompanied each other, walked through many places together, and cooked meals for each other many times.

Luo Lan figured out that she was unwilling to lose Qian Xu. She knew she had done something wrong, therefore she must face it bravely and find a way to redeem herself.

————·————·————

Early in the morning, Luo Lan took the breakfast she made and rushed to the Research Institute. She wanted to give it to Qian Xu, but unexpectedly Qian Xu had left.

“Why did you let Qian Xu leave so fast?”

“His data are all normal.” Feng Lin gave Qian Xu’s physical examination report to Luo Lan. “He himself urged us to let him leave. I have no reason to hold him in custody.”

Luo Lan read the examination report at high speed, and there was indeed no problem.

“But is it really alright for him to return to work so soon?”

“Of course it’s not. He killed four people in one night!” Feng Lin heaved a sigh. “He was a retired soldier from the front line. This is definitely not his first time killing another, and he shouldn’t have any psychological problems. Still, he needs to be observed. I had asked him to rest and not to leave Alikarta for at least one month.”

Luo Lan dialed Qian Xu’s personal terminal, but couldn’t get through. An automatic reply from the system appeared, “The other party has shut down his terminal, please try again later.”

Feng Lin asked, “What’s wrong?”

Luo Lan smiled reluctantly, “No one answered, probably he is still sleeping.”

Feng Lin perceived her low mood and comforted her,  “It was late at night when he left yesterday. It’s normal to sleep in.”

Luo Lan found comfort in Feng Lin’s words and decided to contact Qian Xu later. It’s just… this breakfast…

She opened the lunch box and put the food in front of Feng Lin, “Shall we have breakfast together?”

————·————·————

In her office, Luo Lan kept fidgeting and watching the clock restlessly.

Two hours later, she tentatively sent a text message, “Have you woken up? I want to talk to you.”

There was no reply. Luo Lan comforted herself that he was still sleeping and hadn’t seen her message.

After waiting for another hour, she was unable to bear it and couldn’t help calling Qian Xu’s personal terminal again.

It got through, but after a few rings, the call got disconnected.

Another automatic reply from the system appeared, “The other party declined the call, please try again later.”

Over the years, Luo Lan has contacted Qian Xu tons of times. For the first time in ten years, he declined her call. She stared at the short message and looked back and forth at it several times. She was so sad she could cry. Qian Xu didn’t even want to talk to her anymore?

If the mountain won’t come to me, then I’ll come to the mountain!^[1]

Luo Lan plucked up her courage and sent a message to Feng Lin, “Can you send Qian Xu’s dormitory address to me?”

“You still can’t contact him?” Feng Lin was alerted. “This is certainly not a good sign. Perhaps we need a psychologist to intervene.”

“It’s a problem between me and him. He knew my real identity from Zong Li last night.”

“Is it necessary for him to be this angry about that? He isn’t the only person you hid your real identity from. It’s very easy to explain. Whether he accepts it or not, he shouldn’t even blame you in the first place!”

Luo Lan couldn’t tell Feng Lin that for her Qian Xu was different from others. She wisely just kept her silence.

Luo Lan took a shuttle bus to the base’s dormitory area.

According to the base’s policy, soldiers who work in the base could choose to buy a house outside the base or rent a single dormitory room at the base at a very cheap price.

Most single soldiers would seek low-cost and convenient accommodation, which was the dormitory. Qian Xu was an orphan and had no family members, so naturally, he chose to live in the dormitory.

Before, Luo Lan had a bad conscience and didn’t dare to reveal where she lived. In turn, she didn’t dare to ask where Qian Xu lived. She deceived herself, “It’s only fair. I don’t visit your house, and you don’t visit my house.”

Standing outside the dormitory, Luo Lan checked the address Feng Lin had sent her,“E-7-203. ”

After confirming it was the correct building, she walked into the dormitory.

Luo Lan rang the doorbell. A robot with a chubby body and eyes appeared on the door’s screen.

With full innocence, it greeted her, “Hello, guest! Master is not at home. Please visit later or contact Master directly.”

“Where is your master?”

“It’s confidential.”

“Can I go inside and wait for him? I’m his best friend.”

“Not allowed.”

Luo Lan was aware of how stupid she was right now. She went as far as trying to chat with robots that could only obey instructions and follow a prescribed pattern for their speech.

She sat cross-legged on the ground and made up her mind to wait for Qian Xu to come back.

The robot was stunned. Its big round eyes rotated rapidly. There was no instruction on how to handle this kind of situation in its brain, and it was incapable of figuring out a solution on its own. Once more, the robot repeated, ” Please visit later or contact Master directly.”

Luo Lan asked without looking back, “Does your master tell you that no one can sit at the doorway?”

“No.”

“Just leave me alone, then”

The robot’s round eyes continued to rotate rapidly and its body was about to heat up. Eventually, it found a solution.

It sent a message to its master, “There is a woman who sat at the doorway and refused to leave. Do you want to call the police to catch her?”

Along with the message, it also sent a photo of Luo Lan’s back.

Qian Xu replied, “No need. Just let me know later when she leaves..”

An hour later, Qian Xu sent a message and asked the robot, “Has she left?”

“Hasn’t.”

The robot sent him a video——

Luo Lan sat cross-legged on the ground. She was facing the door and seemed to have a long talk with the screen.

“Look at your model, it’s very old. You must have been with your master for many years! How many girlfriends has he dated?”

“It’s confidential.”

“Don’t tell me it’s a boyfriend…?”

“It’s confidential.”

“Is there anything that you’re allowed to talk about? Should I talk about losing weight with you?”

The robot’s round eyes turned into mosquito coils, and its processor made a buzzing sound.

The robot asked Qian Xu, “She spied on me and Master privacy. Do you want to call the police to catch her?”

Qian Xu replied, “No.”

Three hours later, it took the initiative to send a video to Qian Xu——

The robot asked, “When will you leave?”

Luo Lan dispiritedly touched her stomach. “Tell your master. I haven’t had lunch yet and now I’m very hungry. I hope your master won’t let me miss dinner. “

“You can leave to have your dinner.”

“Tell your master. I won’t leave until I see him.”

Qian Xu was stupefied. Luo Lan had guessed that the robot would contact him. She continued to wait for four hours just to make clear that she would not give up and had to see him.

Qian Xu gave instructions to the robot, “Let her in. There is some nutritious food in the fresh-keeping cabinet. I’ll be back in three hours.”

The door slowly opened, and Luo Lan jumped up in excitement. Looks like Qian Xu was finally willing to see her.

The chubby robot raised its hand, “Please come in, this robot, Da Xiong^[2], will serve you.”

“Qian Xu even gave you a name?” Luo Lan looked at the robot that only reached her waist and felt that it was too unworthy of the name da xiong…

“Master said he will be back in three hours.”

“Three hours?” With that time, she could take the train to travel all around Alikarta. To where exactly did Qian Xu run off to relax?

“Please choose.” Da Xiong opened the fresh-keeping cabinet.

For convenience purposes, Luo Lan only took a can of nutrients.

She observed the room, full of curiosity towards the place where Qian Xu lived, “Can you show me around the house?”

Da Xiong’s round eyes turned a few times, “Can.”

While drinking the nutrient, Luo Lan followed Da Xiong to look around.

When she was waiting outside a moment ago, she was idle and bored of doing nothing for hours. So, she logged in to StarNet and checked the information of the single dormitory in the base.

Single dormitories have all standard structures, living room, dining room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and fitness room. Furniture and basic daily necessities were also provided at a low-cost, and people could move into the dorm at any time.

Few and fewer people were willing to get married. Many people were single throughout their life. They were very likely to live in a single dormitory until retirement. Plus, the salary and benefits given by the base weren’t low. Everyone will not save that money and would redecorate the dorm according to their preferences. After all, the dorm will be their home for a long time. A place for rest and relaxation after a hard day of work.

Qian Xu’s living room, dining room, and kitchen looked exactly the same as the model room on StarNet. Although Luo Lan felt it was a bit weird, she didn’t dwell on it.

However, when she arrived at the bedroom and fitness room, Luo Lan found that it still looked exactly the same as the model room. There were only a few pieces of furniture such as beds and tables, there were no extra items around except the most basic necessities.

The whole room was clean and tidy, deserted and empty, without any trace of the owner’s preferences. As if the man living in this room merely lives in order to live, and has no superfluous desire.

Luo Lan’s breath hitched.

As far as she knows, this was Qian Xu’s only residence. That this was his only home. Yet, no one’s home should look like this.

Because she has no memory and her identity was fake, Luo Lan has never had a sense of belonging in her heart. She had never and would never dare to take the house she has lived in for the past ten years as her home.

She always felt that she was living in someone else’s house and could be driven out at any time so she was not qualified nor she was willing to change and decorate it. That’s why, the house was still look exactly the same as before she lived in it.

Turns out, she was not the only one who had no home; Turns out, for so many years, the man who kept giving her warmth was even more desolate than her!

Qian Xu wasn’t a sun that showed its brilliance and illuminated all things. For no other reason than because he understands how it feels, he could be so compassionate to others; For no other reason than because he had experienced it himself, he could be so considerate to others. Therefore, for no other reason than because he was able to, he could treat others with gentleness,

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Footnotes

1. 山不就我,我去就山! – shān bù jiù wǒ, wǒ qù jiù shān! One must change one’s actions accordingly if things do not proceed as one would like them to; If the other party cannot take the initiative to cater to me, then I’ll take the initiative to cater to the other party’s; Struggle for your dream and never give up, as long as you work hard there will always be a solution. If one attempt fails, try another method.↵

2. 大熊 – dà xióng; lit. Big Bear; Great Bear. Qian Xu’s robot. 大熊 could also mean Ursa Major (Latin; Greater Bear). It’s because Ursa Major consists of seven bright stars called Big Dipper (北斗, běidǒu) that form a big bear. It is the most conspicuous constellation out of all the north(北)ern constellations. It’s located near the north(北) pole.↵

Amoeba’s Corner

Character Profile with some official arts is now available! Check it here!

The characters included in the Character Profile are the characters that have appeared up to Chapter 9!

Also, there is a gift in the next chapter!

Da Xiong. Are you a subtle hint or not a hint at all, ah?! No girlfriend.. then, is it a boyfriend?! Also, it feel offended when Luo Lan talked about losing weight that it immediately called Qian Xu, lol.

You could also take “If the mountain won’t come to me, then I’ll come to the mountain!” literally, Qian Xu won’t come to Luo Lan, so Luo Lan will come to Qian Xu. After all, Qian Xu is always described as sun or mountain by Tong Hua.

What to do, I feel so sad for Qian Xu. I was biased toward him because of his warmth. Turns out, he gave his warmth to others, but is there any other person that gave him warmth in return?

Also, do you remember in Chapter 8.2, Luo Lan said “In the vast sea of stars, she finally found her home,” when she answered Qian Xu’s question, but in this chapter, she said, “She had never and would never dare to take the house she has lived in for the past ten years as her home.” Luo Lan’s home is where Qian Xu at! I’m sorry, Chen Sha. Please up your game so I won’t bully you any longer!!

For no other reason than because “she was treated gently by the world” (from Chapter 6.3), Luo Lan could become the way she is now.

There is a difference between the published book and the online version! In the online novel version, there are still some paragraphs before this chapter ends, but in the published book, those paragraphs are in Chapter 9 Section 2! I think it was indeed better to cut the chapter here. So painful.

This chapter words count (excluding title, footnotes, and TL’s corner): 2022!