MLiS – Chapter 9.2

This is Who I Am

(The gift is here! Check Amoeba’s Corner to find the link to this chapter song. Highly recommended to listen to the song while reading this chapter)

Luo Lan stood at the door of the fitness room. Her gaze swept across various fitness equipment, imagining Qian Xu working out here every day after getting off work.

While she was gazing at the room, she noticed a palm-sized black box lying on the floor in the corner. There was something inexplicably familiar about it and Luo Lan quickly strolled in.

She picked up the black box and caught sight of a blue flower inlaid under the box.

It should be a real flower preserved using some special technology. After they were preserved, they were inlaid on the box and became decoration.

Luo Lan thought this blue flower looked familiar, but she couldn’t place it why. She opened her personal terminal, scanned the flower, and searched about it on StarNet.

A few seconds later, a paragraph appeared,  “Myth Flower, a unique species of Alikarta Star. The flower has two colors, blue and red. The blue one is small, and the red one is large. In their blooming seasons, the color of the flower won’t necessarily be the same every year. It may be blue this year and red next year. There are many unproven speculations about it. Therefore, the flower is known as Myth Flower.”

In a flash, a memory appeared in Luo Lan’s mind. She remembered where she had seen this flower. It was when Qian Xu took her to Adventurer’s Paradise. She picked this inconspicuous blue flower from the roadside and gave it to Qian Xu.

Although there was no evidence that it was the flower she gave him, Luo Lan’s intuition told her that it was indeed the flower she gave him.

Luo Lan’s heartbeat suddenly accelerated.

She gently stroked the old black box and pressed a hidden button. It came very naturally to her as if she had done it countless times. A melodious song started to sound in the room.

Where does the wind come from?

Blow and keep blowing

Blow off the flowers

Blow away the waiting

The sea has turned into moss

……

……

A very, very old song. A song so old that only exists in ancient legends.

Luo Lan sat on the floor and listened quietly.

For countless lonely nights, Qian Xu was here. Listening to the song while exercising. 

Years ago, when she was still not knowing what was ahead for her and kept questioning herself to find an answer, had Qian Xu long given up finding his own answer?

She knew that Qian Xu was an orphan and joined the army when he grew up. Because of his outstanding performance, he became a special ops soldier on a battleship. Later, he fell ill and had to end his service ahead of schedule. He was transferred to the base to engage in civilian work of battleship tactical research.

Perhaps, a person’s life trajectory could be made clear in two or three sentences, but a person’s experience and emotion could not be made clear in two or three sentences.

What exactly has Qian Xu undergone that made his heart so desolate and barren? So much so that he didn’t leave himself with any hope!

Luo Lan didn’t know.

However, there were things she could conjecture by speculating.

Qian Xu was an orphan. He had no family. No matter how much he suffered or was in pain, no one would be concerned for him; no one would be there for him.

Once, he was one of the best soldiers in the Federation, but he was forced to retire because of his illness. Just like the eagle whose wings were cut off and could no longer fly in the blue sky, he must have been in pain and at loss, not knowing what was ahead for him.

Trapped in this little room, looking at the stars in the distance.

As time went by, the hope of him recovering was becoming less and less. Maybe one day, when he mutated, he would be incapable of coming back to himself.

All this time when she regarded Qian Xu as her warmth and support, she never thought about whether he also needed warmth and support.

Turns out, the friendship she considered as reciprocal wasn’t as reciprocal as she thought. It could even be said that it was just her one-sidedly extorted it.

She encountered a problem; He solved it for her.

She was lonely and felt unwell; He chatted with her.

She was unfamiliar and afraid of Alikarta; He accompanied her to familiarize herself with Alikarta.

Everything was done for her!

Because she kept a secret in her heart, she dared not tell her residence, therefore she dared not ask about his residence; She dared not tell about her past, therefore she dared not ask about his past; She dared not tell about her present, therefore she dared not ask him about his present.

Turns out, it was like that. Yet, she praised herself that their friendship was deep and extraordinary.

Turns out, just like what Chen Sha said, nothing could exist above the quicksand.

————·————·————

Amidst the singing of the ancient melodious song, Qian Xu walked into the room.

The sun was setting, the afterglow of the sun came in through the window.

Luo Lan sat on the floor, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed and a track of dried tears on her cheeks. The thin orange halo enveloped her, making her look like a beautiful and fragile ancient oil painting in a museum.

His heart palpitated. He composed himself. He tried his best to make his footsteps lighter and walked over.

Luo Lan opened her eyes.

Where does the wind come from?

Blow and keep blowing

Blow out the starlight

Blow away the future

The mountains and rivers, all have turned into helplessness.

……

Pairs of eyes met. The sound of singing greeted his ears, conveying lots of emotion, as if weeping and complaining to him. He dared not look directly at her when the song was still playing. So, he bent down and turned off the player.

……

Luo Lan softly called out, “Qian Xu.”

Qian Xu took a step back and drew a distance between them.

“Still angry at me?” asked Luo Lan.

“No, your identity is special. It’s normal for you to hide it from others.”

Luo Lan forced out a smile, “I really hope you will say that you are still angry. It’s normal to hide it from others, but what about those who aren’t considered as ‘others’?”

Qian Xu said lightly, “Don’t conjecture such nonsense. I fully accept your concealment.”

Luo Lan picked up the black box and showed him the bottom, “Is this blue flower the one I gave you?”

“It’s not.” Qian Xu did not hesitate in the slightest.

“You lie! If this flower has nothing to do with that flower, why do you know what I’m talking about when I ask? Shouldn’t you be surprised and ask, ‘when did you give me flowers’?”

“My memory has always been very good.” Qian Xu still denied it cleanly.

Luo Lan let out a sigh, patted the floor, and motioned him to sit. “I want to tell you a story.”

Qian Xu didn’t move, conveying his alienation and rejection.

Luo Lan smiled, her finger slowly traced over the black box. “I’ve never seen this thing in my memory. I checked the StarNet and it said this was an old antique that had long been extinct. Yet, as soon as I saw this, I knew how to use this. I knew there were many ancient songs in it. I just listened to some of it and I could even sing some!”

Confusion flashed in Qian Xu’s eyes.

Luo Lan knocked on the black box in his hand, and smiled, “I don’t remember lots of things, but something will come out from time to time. Sometimes I feel it was miserable, and sometimes I feel it was fun. These hidden memories are like easter eggs buried in life. I’ll be pleasantly surprised each time I find one. It’s just… I hope I don’t suddenly find out that there is a bomb buried within those eggs one day.”

Qian Xu was even more confused when he heard it. “What are you talking about?”

Luo Lan raised her head and looked straight at Qian Xu, “I didn’t lie to you. I’m really Luo Xun.”

Qian Xu frowned.

“I told you that I immigrated to Alikarta from other planets. It’s also a truth. I just didn’t tell you that I immigrated from Aerdes to Alikarta as someone else.”

“What do… you mean?”

“I’m not the real princess Luo Lan. I am an impostor, a fake. I lost all my memories and didn’t know who I was, so I named myself Luo Xun.”

Luo Lan risked her life to tell this deep secret of hers.

She has no idea how Qian Xu would react, but she knew that people’s hearts could only be exchanged with people’s hearts. When she was keeping her secret, she had already hidden her heart.

A hidden heart cannot genuinely get closer to another heart. Just like a pair of blindfolded eyes, it is impossible to see the other pair of eyes clearly.

Since the quicksand couldn’t support anything, then she would eradicate the quicksand. As for whether the quicksand would become a vast land for all things to grow or an abyss that devours everything, she didn’t know. She could only gamble with her own life as the chip.

“You said you used someone else’s identity, so you’re not really… a princess?” Qian Xu’s reaction exceeded her expectation. He was unexpectedly rational and restrained. He seemed to accept the facts in just an instant, with his usual calmness.

“Mn!” Luo Lan nodded.

“Where’s the real princess? Is she dead?” Qian Xu stared at her, eyes as sharp as an unsheathed sword as if to pierce into her heart to confirm whether her words were true or false.

Luo Lan felt his reaction was very strange, but Qian Xu should also think she was very strange at this moment! Not because the two of them have changed, but because they eventually tore apart the mask that had wrapped around both of them.

“No, it’s a peaceful deal, no blood, and no fraud. The princess was unwilling to marry to Odin Federation because she has a deep love for her boyfriend. I’m a death-row prisoner who committed a capital crime for an inexplicable reason. The princess gave me a chance to live. I married to Odin Federation in her stead. Both of us got what we wanted and we reached a deal…”

Luo Lan recounted her deal with the princess from beginning to end.

Qian Xu asked, “Do you know where the real princess went to?”

“I don’t know. I only know that she must be together with Dr. Mu and be very happy!”

“They want you to be Princess Luo Lan forever?”

“Mn, Dr. Mu said that as long as no one doubts it, I can always be Princess Luo Lan.”

“For ten years, you have successfully cheated everyone. Why.. you tell it to me now?” Qian Xu’s deep eyes are full of changes, like something surging in it, desperately trying to rush out regardless of everything.

That’s right! Everyone has been deceived by her!

However, although her identity was false, every day in the past ten years was not false. Her efforts and hard work were true. Everything she gained in Alikarta belonged to her and only her, not to Princess Luo Lan.

“Because…” Luo Lan sat on her knees on the floor, looking up at Qian Xu.

The afterglow of the setting sun had dissipated. In the gradually darkened sky, he stood alone, with desolation as his only company. Just like standing on the empty wasteland, without knowing where to come or where to go.

Luo Lan stood up slowly and walked toward Qian Xu.

Qian Xu didn’t retreat deliberately anymore. His body was stretched taut, and his dark eyes were as bottomless as the endless night.

Luo Lan’s eyes were clear, like bright starlight cutting through the endless night, “Because I don’t want to deceive you anymore; Because I want to really understand you; Because…”

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Amoeba’s Corner

Click here for the lyric translation and details about the song.

There are 2 versions of the song!

1. The deeper version sung by 羊腿腿/YángTuǐTuǐ
2. The lighter version sung by 清会_Tsing/QīngHuì_Tsing

The song in this chapter is from minute 02:21-04:04

Click here to listen to a deeper version of the song in NetEase Music.
Click here to listen to a lighter version of the song in NetEase Music.

If the link doesn’t work,
Click here to listen to the deeper version from Google Drive.
Click here to listen to the lighter version from Google Drive.

Click here to go back to the top.

A-Qing made a lot of fanmade songs for Tong Hua’s works! She is also a Qian Xu supremacist, like me!! How more perfect could she be?!! Please check her Weibo here!!
(Finger-crossed but I’m planning to translate the songs that are made for “Memories Lost in Space”!!)

————·————·————

Behind a curtain, someone cursed, “It wasn’t supposed to go like this, god damn it!”

It’s funnier if you get the context, trust me. Remember to go back to this chapter later when you get the context.

When Luo Lan said “I’m a death-row prisoner who committed a capital crime for an inexplicable reason,” I snickered. Yeah, inexplicable reason(apples), or is it really?

There is a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter, *wink wonk*.

————·————·————

Good news! On 12th October 2021, a song based on Qian Xu’s music box song was released, titled “The Wind Comes from Afar“! After a year of waiting! Finally, my wait has not been in vain! Let me continue to cry in the corner!

(Edit: On 18th October 2021, the deeper version was released. It’s a gift for Tong Hua’s birthday. And in A-Qing’s words, this version is “more in accordance with the novel theme.”)

Eh, I like both! Perhaps, because I kept listening to the lighter version from the first time this was released, I prefer it more than the deeper version? It’s one of the mandatory play-to music when I translated chapters with Qian Xu in it, lol. A-Qing is a god-sent for those who love Memories Lost in Space. My favorite MLiS song made by A-Qing is… I can’t say it, ah! It’s a spoilery song!? Even the song title is a spoiler!! The lyric is even more spoilery!! I— I— I— Ah!!

Anyway, while the deeper version sounds more like a “solemn and very old ancient song,” the lighter version sounds more like a beautiful and fragile girl in the oil painting! Which version do you prefer? Both? Lighter version? Deeper version? None at all?

It is a non-commercial song, made by the fans with Tong Hua’s permission. The lyric used is the one from the song on the black box! 

I was waiting for it to be released before I translated this chapter because I wanted to listen to it while translating this chapter! I succeded! It hits right in the feel! Especially with context! Where does the wind come from?

MLiS is getting better and better each time you read it after you finished it once. There are lots of contexts you can finally understand or notice. That’s why, later, when you finished reading Luo Lan’s journey once, please read it again to see her journey from another perspective! It’ll be a long journey, but you won’t regret it!

Oh right, before I forget, there is a difference between the published book and the online novel version!

On this part
Luo Lan let out a sigh, patted the floor, and motioned him to sit. “I want to tell you a story.”

Qian Xu didn’t move, conveying his alienation and rejection.

Luo Lan’s finger traced slowly over the black box.

In the online novel version
Luo Lan sighed and asked solemnly, “I want to tell you a story. Are there ears on your wall?*”
(*Eavesdroppers)

“What story?”

Qian Xu didn’t say no and obviously, he wasn’t worried about the eavesdropper with his enchanted hearing. Luo Lan patted the floor and motioned him to sit

Qian Xu didn’t move, conveying his alienation and rejection.

Luo Lan smiled bitterly, her finger traced slowly over the black box.

En. I prefer the published version again. Luo Lan’s “I reject your rejection” is the best. You don’t want to sit and listen to my story? No worry, I will still tell you and make sure you’ll listen. She is ready to bet her life, not caring whether someone else could hear it. As long as she could convey it to the person that matters the most to her.

Also, another difference is there are some paragraphs before this end in the online novel version. Those paragraphs are in Chapter 9 section 3 in the book. Ai, the cliffhanger is indeed better this way!

This chapter words count (excluding title, footnotes, and TL’s corner): 2022