This Is Who I Am
Luo Lan returned to the Research Institute listlessly.
As soon as she arrived, she saw Zi Yan lazily playing with his tarot cards in her office.
Luo Lan sneered, “Why are you here? I’m going to work. Please leave if you have nothing to do here!”
Zi Yan innocently blinked his peach blossom eyes[1] and asked with a smile, “Where did you go just now?”
“What? I should report to you wherever I go out?”
“I have divined your emotional fortune for you.” Zi Yan flipped open one of the tarot cards, “The Justice is reversed[2]. I suggest you don’t go astray and go back before you make another mistake.”
Luo Lan was not interested in entertaining him, “Would you like to predict my fortune again with a crystal ball?”
Zi Yan gave Luo Lan a meaningful glance. “Princess, you really have a lot of little secrets hidden!” He continued to flip the tarot card. “The High Priestess is reversed[3]. If you insist on going your own way, I’m afraid there’ll be a disaster.”
Luo Lan’s countenance changed, “Zi Yan, what are you implying?”
“I want to crush that man to death. It’s easy for me. But, don’t worry, I’m not interested in doing it.” Zi Yan looked at the tarot card just opened in his hand and said faintly, “The Wheel of Fortune is reversed[4]. He will constantly face disasters. Why should I dirty my hands when destiny will take its course?”
“You’re talking nonsense!”
Zi Yan smiled mockingly, “Your marriage with Chen Sha is a marriage of interests between Aerdes and Odin Federation. What could that man even compare to? In the face of the interests of the two star countries, does Her Royal Highness think that man really has the courage to withstand the reversal of the Wheel of Fortune?”
Luo Lan emphasized her words. Without sullenness, humbleness, nor arrogance, “His name is Qian Xu. He is a citizen of Odin Federation, just like you. He fought for Odin Federation. Even if he is now ill, he still performs his duty! I believe that his courage and perseverance are no less than you and Chen Sha!”
Zi Yan was rendered speechless. No matter in poverty or wealth, highborn or lowborn, sickness or health, for her everyone was equal. That kind of thing, it was easy to say it outloud, but few could really mean it. He remembered what Luo Lan said, “Fifty steps soldier laughed at a hundred steps soldier.” From the bottom of her heart, she sincerely never thought Qian Xu was worse than them, just like she never thought that mutants were worse than humans.
Zi Yan averted his gaze. He lowered his head then waved his hand. The tarot card on the table vanished. “About 20,000 to 30,000 years ago, humans discovered a small planet full of water. Living on it was a rare creature with a beautiful appearance and simple mind, very much like the mermaid in ancient legends. Humans all over Interstellar were crazy about this rare creature, and countless people have gone there to capture them. Within a thousand years, this creature became extinct. ”
“Speak clearly.”
“Your genes are very rare and important to the Odin Federation. However, since ancient times, human tradition when they caught rare things has hardly been good. Rare minerals will be mined out, and rare species will be imprisoned and kept in captivity. ”
“Are you threatening me?”
Zi Yan gave her a smile and prepared to leave, “I just hope you don’t do self-destructive things. Remember, there are countless men in Odin Federation who want to forcibly take you to cultivate offspring for themselves!”
“You bastard!” Luo Lan hurled something nearby, throwing it to Zi Yan without hesitation.
Zi Yan’s purple tarot card flew. It may be small, but it shot down what Luo Lan threw.
The tarot card hung in front of Luo Lan’s neck. One end tilted up against Luo Lan’s throat, like a sharp blade, sending forth a bone-biting chill, forcing Luo Lan to half-raise her head.
Zi Yan casually brushed non-existent ash on his clothes. “Stop calling me a “bastard”! Trust me, my “bastard” means, you haven’t even seen half a cent of it”
His face was like spring dawn. His smile was like summer flowers. He winked at Luo Lan and stalked off.
Luo Lan didn’t dare to move, the tarot card was still against her throat. She stayed like that until Zi Yan disappeared, and the tarot card flew out of the office with a whiz.
————·————·————
Luo Lan was drenched in sweat. She clutched her neck blankly.
She was at a loss. Could it be that she could only live in deception as a fake princess? Could it be that her efforts over the years are meaningless?
She opened her contact and searched for Qian Xu’s number.
It was her natural instinct to seek Qian Xu first every time she was at a loss. As long as she could hear his calm and gentle voice, even if the worst comes to the worst she still felt everything will be alright. However, at this moment, she didn’t have the right to contact Qian Xu!
Was her choice right? After all, because of her, his life was messed up. His peaceful life was broken and she personally put him in the vortex of the torrent.
Luo Lan gently picked up the 3D photo frame on her table to look at it carefully. Inside it was a picture of the rising sun she took when they climbed Mt. Yilar peak together. The rising sun rose under her feet from the snow-capped mountains and its brilliance spread across the rolling majestic mountains.
Qian Xu’s words echoed in her ears, “This place is the most beautiful and tempting place to climb. Just like life. There’s no way to plan it and there will always be unexpected changes. Those changes mean not only difficulties but also different sceneries. It is precisely because of these changes on the climbing road that people will always be in awe of life and look forward to the next moment”
Luo Lan’s frantic heartbeat calmed down.
According to her understanding of Qian Xu, he is by no means a person who is afraid of trouble. Aside from his illness, the only time he show his concern was for her.
However, no one could predict the future. No one should hesitate to go forward because of the fear of the unknown.
It was dangerous outside the cage, but was it safe inside the cage?
Fearing they would be destitute and homeless; Fearing they would be hurt by others; Fearing they would face deadly snowstorms; Fearing they would meet enemies who could devour them; None dared to go outside. So, they hide wings and choose to live comfortably inside the cage.
Yet, in the end, there was no free meal in the world.
There was a price to live in comfort inside the cage. People need to give up their freedom to fly and be obedient. They would worry about their words, worry about the owner of the cage suddenly turning them away, and worry about the cage breaking.
Inside and outside the cage, both need efforts to survive! Both were full of danger!
However, outside the cage, you have the right to fight; you have the right to control your destiny; Inside the cage, you can only be at the mercy of the owner.
No one could prove which was more comfortable and which was more dangerous.
A beeping sound broke her out of trance. There was an incoming call from Feng Lin. Luo Lan pressed accept.
Feng Lin, dressed in white overalls, appeared in front of her and asked solemnly, “I have received your application for leave. Why do you suddenly ask for six months’ leave? Where are you going?”
“Chen Sha and I have something to do. We’re going to the Big Gemini.”
Feng Lin was relieved, “Zi Yan came to me just now and asked me to pay attention to you and… Ai! Anyway, it’s good for you to be together with Chen Sha!”
Luo Lan asked softly, “You are my best friend. If I get a divorce with Chen Sha, will you support me?”
“Because you are also my best friend, I firmly don’t support you to get a divorce from Chen Sha.” Feng Lin reluctantly smiled, and said softly, “Don’t think too much about it. Take advantage of this trip to get along with Chen Sha. Later, you will realize that many things will pass over with time.”
“Really? If many things will pass over with time, why do you always become particularly snappy when talking about Chief Justice Zuo Qiubai?”
Feng Lin’s face suddenly changed and she sent Luo Lan a glare.
“I was wrong!” Luo Lan quickly raised her hand and hit herself on the head, showing repentance.
Feng Lin cut off the call without saying a word.
Luo Lan sighed. Feng Lin couldn’t even drink that chicken soup[5] of hers.
Luo Lan hadn’t mentioned Chu Mo, she just mentioned Zuo Qiubai. Yet, to no one’s surprise, Feng Lin was already angry.
Luo Lan sent a message to Chen Sha, “Feng Lin has approved my leave.” No matter what, whether it’s Qian Xu’s illness or Zi Yan’s warning, she wouldn’t lose anything by raising her physical ability to level A.
Chen Sha replied, “I still have something to deal with. We’ll leave tomorrow.”
Luo Lan sent another message to Qian Xu, “No one will know whether the flower will bloom today or wither tomorrow. Don’t refuse today’s me because you are worried about tomorrow’s me.”
Until the next day when Luo Lan got on the ship, there was no reply from Qian Xu.
Footnotes
桃花眼 – táohuāyǎn; Peach Blossom Eyes. The characteristics of peach blossom eyes are very obvious. First, the tail of the eye is slightly upwards, the second eye is slightly curved, and third, it is like a peach blossom, forming a crescent shape when smiling, and the eyes are affectionate and intriguing. Image is on Attachment below (the left one).↵
The negative attributes of Justice lead to the obstruction of truth. It may refer to biased decisions, futile perfectionism, absurd demands, and prohibition.
The Justice Tarot card reversed indicates guilt, injustice, an unbalanced mind, and the negative consequences of past actions catching up with you. It will often mean that you’re judging yourself and others incorrectly and too harshly. What you’re expecting may be unreal, or you have not earned it yet.
Forgiveness is the opportunity to pay back a debt. Justice will offer redemption to the guilty, but a second chance is not always guaranteed.
This card reversed means that you made a mistake, a conscious choice that has negative consequences of past actions catching up with you, will you hide the truth in hope that no one finds out, or will you try to make things right and face the consequences?
In this chapter context, it may mean Luo Lan’s decision to choose Qian Xu over Chen Sha was a mistake.↵When High Priestess is reversed, this card implies mental and spiritual dissonance. The querent may have been ignoring the messages of their unconscious mind, and their motives may be dubious or selfish.
They may have been ignoring the signs and messages of life and looking for answers in the wrong place. Now more than ever, it is time to have faith and let go of the illusion.
Loneliness and frustration, giving up on yourself and blindly trusting others, or simply being silent in a time when your voice needs to be heard; the negative aspects of the High Priestess define a state of mind where uncertainty, doubt, and passivity have taken the place of wisdom and enlightenment.
In this chapter context, it may mean that if she insists on choosing Qian Xu and let Chen Sha go, there’ll be a disaster.↵This card in reverse still denotes change, but not the happy kind.
The Wheel Of Fortune in reverse often denotes sudden changes that will throw your life upside down. You might feel like everything that can go wrong is going wrong- something like Murphy’s Law from your worst nightmare.
A reversed Wheel Of Fortune is a warning that significant changes are approaching that might become a source of constant stress and anxiety. Dealing with everyday situations might leave you exhausted because it will seem like you aren’t getting anywhere, no matter how hard you try.
In this chapter context, A significant change will happens because of Luo Lan’s decision.↵鸡汤 – jī tānɡ; lit. chicken soup. Soothing words to comfort others.↵
Attachment
Amoeba’s Corner
桃花眼 – táohuāyǎn(left), 丹凤眼 – dānfèngyǎn(right)
I hate Zi Yan and his tarot reading, thanks. (No, I love them.)
Is this Zi Yan’s way of giving spoilers?
Zi Yan is particularly scummy in this chapter. Really asking to be slapped.
This marks the end of Chapter 9! The next update will be the regular Thursday and Sunday updates! That means tomorrow Chapter 10.1 will go up!
See you next update!
This chapter words count (excluding title, footnotes, and TL’s corner): 1636
I think, somewhere, jars of vinegar was spilt.
“Zi Yan is particularly scummy in this chapter. Really asking to be slapped.”
But, I think, he is like that because he cares about Luo Lan, right? He is saying the truth. If Luo Lan doesn’t have the protection of her marriage with Chen Sha, who knows what will happen to her. The safest way is to keep their marriage.
Even if it in scummy way, he shows that he cares.
I think he becomes one of my favorite beside Luo Lan and Qian Xu!
The tarot reading is quite deep. Will disaster really happen? What kind?
Yesyes, I agree. Zi Yan may be subtle and scummy, but he cares. He had watched her these past ten years after all. Even if there is no love, there is probably some affection. He is also my favorite! With that said, almost all the MLiS casts are my favorite, lol.
“The tarot reading is quite deep. Will disaster really happen? What kind?”
Ask Zi Yan la. He is so crpytic. How could I know (/ω＼)
So the footnotes are subtle spoiler…?
Ah, this won’t do, Zi Yan please don’t be cryptic!!
Zi Yan’s job is to be a little shit. Being cryptic is one of his job.